Monday, July 31, 2006

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Dear Holdem

Dear Holdem-

This is as hard for me to write as it is for you to read. I think I need to play other poker games. I have actually played Stud the last several nights already. Before you tear this up and call your mother I think you should know that I don't think our relationship is over. I really think that it will be much stronger. In fact Stud was telling me about this other thing called HORSE, where we get you, me and four other games together. That sounds like it could really spice things up, doesn't it?

When we were together last week I was watching the 2-6 spread limit stud game at the President. Some of the worst players in the place were sitting in that game. Call, call, call, fold on 7th. Call, Call, Call, fold on 6th. It was horrible. And I was so excited.

I think we need variety and unless you're willing to try double flop or single card I am going to have to play stud once in a while.



Friday, July 28, 2006

Personally Involved

My wife and I each have a first cousin serving in the Middle East. My cousin Derrin is in the Navy and is stationed out of Bahrain. This is a relatively safe assignment as 50% of the danger he will encounter will be if his baby face gets spotted by Jacko's goons. His actual assignment is aboard a fiberglass minesweeper.

My wife's cousin enlisted in the National Guard out of high school. He decided to volunteer for service in Iraq a few months ago. Eric was deployed to Fort Dix yesterday and will spend 18 months in Iraq.

I am sick to my stomach. Here are two kids, neither one old enough to drink or play in a casino, going to perhaps the most dangerous place on earth. I wish them both the best of luck. I can't help but thinking that no matter what happens, the next time I see them they won't be sweet kids anymore. They will be jaded adults who have seen more horrific things than I ever will.

Rich kids don't go to war. The one nugget I pulled from watching Fahrenheit 9/11 was the fact that in all of congress, one congress person had a child serving in the military. Its very easy to send "the troops" to war. Its much harder to send Eric there.

That being said, both Eric and Derrin volunteered for there service. They both new the dangers of what they were agreeing to do. I have no illusions that they are innocents swept up in a war they don't understand. The decision to join the military, and in Eric's case, to go to war was their's and their's alone.

For those of you who never put a face with the war, I'll give you one. Below is the clipping from Eric's hometown paper. Remember the days when every hometown paper listed the names of those being deployed, the names of the injured and large stories of the dead? The war in the middle east has become so everyday life that its not much more than background noise. You and I pay more attention to baseball scores and WSOP results than the death toll of the war. The people trying to keep the story on the front page are marginalized as crazies. Hell the national media doesn't even care about our war anymore. They have moved on to the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict. Iraq isn't sexy anymore.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Inspired by Al

For Peyton

I am sure that 100% of my readership knows about this, but just in case.

Go check out

and look for auctions for some cool poker swag.

Summer Cleaning

Look over to the right. First I made some additions to the blogroll inspired by G-Rob and his plea for us to "Dance Like Monkeys" for no reason other than to entertain his hair. Those marked with a "*43*" have new posts. If you read me and I some how over looked you let me know. I am a dumb mofo about these things.

Hidden amongst these gems are links to some of my other blogs that nobody ever reads because nobody knows they exist. They suck only slightly worse than this one, but hell I don't really care.

Also checkout Its about the coolest website I have come across. I also found this new poker related site that is pretty good.

Like poker, blogging is a hobby. One that I enjoy but don't take srsly enough to excel at. But once in a while I get bored and step it up for a bit. Thats where we are right now.

I am bored so I am doing some re-organizing.

Also take note of the "I pissed next to Dr. Pauly" t-shirts. Yes to get there you have to actually click over to this site from bloglines and look at the animated GIF, you lazy bloglines using bastard.

That is all.


I'd have eaten the 3 keno crayons for $300. Thats right, I'm under cutting Otis on "eat" prop bets. I'll also eat a porterhouse if you pay the freight. Hell, I'll go dutch on it.

Anyone have a chainsaw I can borrow? The gypsy that I hired to cut up the tree in my front lawn hasn't showed. kicks amazon in the balls.

Donkeypuncher is the Stuart Scott of poker bloggers.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Friday Night at the Boat

I headed down to my favorite casino, the President, on Friday night. In my company was TooloftheMan. We had a plan: Crush the 1-2-4-8 LHE game.

Seat 1: Empty to start and then filled with a rock, later to be filled by a rock slinger cum poker player.
Seat 2: Bad Player, to be filled by The Meth Box
Seat 3: ME!
Seat 4: Tool, trying to relive a 82o vs KK moment
Seat 5: Oldman Calling station later filled by regular rockish type
Seat 6: Oldwoman Calling station later filled by ???
Seat 7: Load mouth Xenophobe with transvestite stories
Seat 8: YoungWoman Moderate Calling Station
Seat 9: Party Light Conventionieer to be filled by "you know, that old guy that looks like he escaped from either rehab or the old folks home." Both Calling Stations
Seat 10: Rockish regular

Lets first start by counting the calling stations. Okay, I can't count that high.

Calling stations = big pots because the good players igonore their bets making pots very chaseable.

Highlights: Its hard to talk about great plays in a game such as this. You can't make moves against callingstations, they are going to call.

I caught a beautiful Big Blind Special of T5o flop of TT5. I value checked my nuts to see a K fall on the turn. I get called in 2 places to the end.

Beat of the night, the guy I nicknamed the MethBox, because apparently Meth makes him lucky and I got tangled in a hand. I have 65s and limp 5 ways to see a flop of 55x. Checks around and we go to 3 bets on the turn. He puts on the brakes and check calls the river. His 75o out kicks me.

I was annoyed at the removal of the 3rd man walking rule. The Pres provides "chow" for the players. Fish and spaghetti were served on Friday. I passed, but 4 of my tablemates jumped and ran. I called for a 3rd man walking and was informed that the 3rd man walking was suspended during the free "Chow". I didn't wan't to play with all the +EV in the lounge, so I said deal me out. The floor and the deal asked if I was going to eat, I said no, I don't want to play 5 handed. They were okay , but I know the floor was a little pissy that I was pissy, but come on, all of the shitty players were in getting their fill of samonella.

Joe was a good dealer, despite the 2 fastest misdeals in history. The other dealers were less memorable. Downs last and hour, which is a lot different than other places. You can chat up the dealers if you choose.

We both left up, although the 65 hand really put a dent in my profit. I was very surprised that the place was busier with all the people lacking power and AC.

The Pres is also spreading 1/2 100 max NL. Yikes, that's a crap shoot of a game. No big revelations. My game is what it is. I don't play enough to be great or to break out of this low limit thing. I am planning to keep with the limit and start my way back to NL, someday.

Saturday, July 22, 2006


So what do 90 mph straight line winds do, you ask? Well here are a few examples.

This is the current view out my front door. Thats a 70 year old Sycamore that bounced off my porch.

Here are some facts for you since the national media is banging up the coverage. 570,000 households and business are without power, that converts to an estimated 2.5 million individuals. The National Guard is not evacuating the city, they are going door to door looking for the elderly and infirmed that need assistance.

Overall it was an exciting way to spend our 9th anniversary.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Hey how about that?

I’m registered in the BloggerPods poker tournament on

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


It must be about time for the British Open. How do I know that? Nine years ago I was sitting in a hotel room in Des Moines, IA pulling on a tux and watching Justin Leonard carve up the field. It is going to hit 100 degrees here today. That is a fitting tribute as it was almost that 9 years ago. I don't have a lot to say, I have no sage words of wisdom. I can tell you that it really doesn't seem like it has been 9 years.

We have been together since 1993. I can't imagine being anywhere else with anyone else. If you care, I was a lot more sappy last year.

Monday, July 17, 2006



5:00 pm

Flight Delayed-sit at gate and use airport outlet to charge iPod.

6:00 pm

Load airplane 1 hour late, told that we will make McCarren on time. I am sceptical, but hopeful


Arrive at McCarren 1 hour late.


Use self-check kiosk


Arrive in room to find that the previous occupants have not been cleaned up after. Kick self for not checking in a desk and greasing the clerk for an upgrade.


Call house keeping


Drop the kids off at the pool


Arrive in Excal poker room only to find it has moved. Look for low limit donkey poker and find none. Don’t find any but get hailed by Sox Lover and DonkeyPuncher at a 1-2NL game


After an eternity of folding I drop the Chilly on a UFC fan. (That’s 43o)


Continue folding. Tooloftheman calls.


Go to MGM for poker


3:00 am

Go to Excal for poker

Drink at the Forest Bar with a gala of stars. Human Head and I battle for WPBT’s largest cranium. My stubble puts me over the top.

Joey two hands is a drunk mother.

Why won’t Pauly and Change share?

F-Train turns a wheel vs. my Over-pair. I put that skinny bitch on the hammer.

Otis plays hands blind for 3 orbits. Every hand. He is even or a little better.

Tool re-raises Otis on the river. Otis shits his pants at the read and folds. Marty shows the hammer.

I rebuy because these mother fuckers play every two cards like aces and I can’t freaking catch a break.

I cash out down L. Spaceman has just sat down with $500 at the 2/4 LHE table. That’s some sweet action, but I am beat.


Go to Krispy Kreme for doughnuts. Winner!!!!!!


Leave with 2 dozen doughnuts (1 dozen fresh off the line that starts at 6:00 am)


Get chastised by Poker Room manager for bringing in 2 dozen doughnuts. Almost lose a finger reaching for the same doughnut as STB. Otis likes chocolate glazed. Iggy has yet to consume a non-liquid calorie.


Watch Iggy play RoShamBo for $100 best of 7. Let me state right now, IGGY is the worst Roshambo player in the WPBT. The WORST. He’s all mind games and posturing. Just throw you little bitch.


Say something to Iggy about cowboys in pink shirts and listen to him say that he is 4’2” of man that will kick my ass. Proceed to pat little man on the head and tell him that his wife has that haircut.


Finally walk away as Iggy is about to reduce me to tears.


Arrive at room and pass out.


Awake and try not to piss myself as TooloftheMan spends 27 minutes in the shower. Just the shower, not the bathroom. He was in the bathroom well over 40 minutes. I contemplate pissing in the garbage can at least twice.


Sweet sweet relief.

12:30 pm

Fatburger bitches.


Excal Poker.


MGM poker

I sit 4/8 at a table with Glenn and the Rooster. Glenn changes tables more than a Al bends his elbow. I leave the game up somewhere between $20 and $40. The table is full of pissed off guys. I want to have fun so I put in for 2/4


Joey 2 Hands and Corey arrive.


Finally get a 2/4 seat next to Helixx and Princess with Facty around the way. Princess is a LAG and a calling station. Facty caps pre-flop with 89s. Helixx gets beat like a drum tied to a rented mule.


4:00 am

I cash out of 2/4 and go get some sleep.


Joey 2 Hands and Corey have just spent the last 45 minutes trying the door of every room in the Excal with the numbers 8140. Finally they arrive


Get up and prepare to poker at Ceasars


Toolman and I take the tram instead of a cab. Biggest mistake ever.


See Jay Greenspan. Leave to get Jimmy Dean porky goodness. Listen to Howard Lederer talk. I should have propped with him on the House vote, he was off by a factor of 10.


Take a bad beat in Poshambo. I make it to the second round and this chick is shooting while I am still on 2. She throws off my game.


Find myself sitting at the Tourney next to none other than “The Mark”. I immediately start adding his chips to my stack.

12:30?? Last hand before first break

I am in the SB. The Mark is on the button and WeakPlayer is in the BB. The Mark limps, I complete and BB checks. Flop is raggedy and gets checked. Ace on the turn. I have A4o. I check because I know I’m good. BB checks and The Mark bets into me with air and a scare card. I come over the top (for the third time today) and he folds like (insert witty jibe about G-Rob here).


I bust out to Mrs. Spaceman. I am in the big blind. EP limps or min raises, MRSS min raises. Folds around to me. I put MRSS on an average hand. Seems like she has been betting according to strength and this hand I am thinking AT, AJ, AK, JJ, TT and maybe 99. So I push with 88. EP folds and MRSS tanks. I am praying for a fold, but a get a call with AQo. Q on the turn. Time for


Lunch. Maigrey, April H, Facty and myself head on down to get some food.


TooloftheMan busts out and finds me. We wander about the strip looking for a game. We go to Hooter’s to get a souvenir chip.


2/4 at the MGM – Time to get drunk and play cards


I am in the SB and it is limped to me twice. I complete for $1 with 82o. The BB pops it. He gets called twice, so I call. Four people see a flop of 872. I bet out, hero raises, fold, call, re-raise, re-reraise, fold, cap, call. Turn is a 2. I bet he calls. River is a blank, bet, call.

I show my boat, scoop a pot of $56 ($52 after the rake) and watch TooloftheMan go into a fit.

He stands up and makes mention of "fuck this fucking game" and storms off, four chips in hand. I laugh hysterically and stack my chips.

The cutoff and the button are the other callers in this story. I should add that they were hyper LAGs that usually play at the Commerce in LA. They bet 3rd pair like the nuts and I was trying to trap both of them.


TooloftheMan kicks a dog and tilts for about 3 days

10:00pm-9:00 am Sunday

Pizza Hut, blackjack pai gow and vodka. We played blackjack at the Monte Carlo – TooloftheMan, Joey 2 Hands, Corey, Otis and me. Drunk party of 5. When they closed our table the pit boss comped us some shots and, I think cigs for Otis, and was very friendly.

We moved on to the Excal and Pai Gow. We lost Corey and Joey. They said – we’ll be right back and then we never saw them again. Of course these are the guys who were planning to walk the 1 mile to the Enterprise Rentacar shuttle to save $10 cab fare.

Otis got drunk, but didn’t fall. Tooloftheman left early (6am). Maigrey set our hands for us. Tommy from 66o was there. He’s like 8’2”.

Simone wouldn’t comps us anything. Otis wanted shitty breakfast from the Excal, nothing. He doubled his bets, nothing. He doubled his bets again, and finally she tells him if he wants to get comped he can get up and go talk to the guest relations staff. That’s right, get up from the table and go talk to someone else. The Excal is really employing brainiacs here


Get to room, sleep for 30-40 minutes while Tool is in shower


Wander Excal looking for breakfast. Find none, head to airport


In taxi line at Excal. Two donkeys in line in front of us pay for a taxi to Mandalay Bay. The doorman almost falls over. “Sir, you realize that there is a tram that runs from here to there, right?” Yeah, but we’re in a hurry.” So you decided to wait in a taxi line?


Checked in and through security. Find seat at Mexican Themed bar eat a burrito and watch some World Cup


Into extra time. Drunk lady gets arrested at bar


Head to plane, stand in line and watch head but and final minutes of extra time tick away.


Plane leaves as penalties start. That’s a bad beat.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Like that college girlfriend that you really liked or those 2 pound strombolis that now give you heartburn. I am over the Excal. Oh how I loved thee, and oh how you have gained 150 pounds and grew facial hair. I will have a re-counting later, but until then I am playing like this: 1.) MGM 2.) Mandalay Bay and 3.) Ceasars.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Congress voted today to censor the internet

"The House passed legislation Tuesday that would prevent gamblers from using credit cards to bet online and could block access to gambling Web sites."
That's right. The house wants ISP's to block access to certain URLs. Heil Goodlatte! Heil Leach! God save the constitution. Thank you Representatives of Congress for once again saving me from myself. Without you as my moral compass I may not be able to survive.

And thank you for raising the cost of my internet service by turing my ISP into police. And thank you for raising the cost of my banking accounts by making them police, report and stop my transactions that may or may not be legitimate, but could have to do with placing a $2 double down on a 9 vs. a dealer 7.

Outlaw online gaming, go right ahead. But to block access to websites? Isn't that what we got up in China's face for a while back? Did you know that if you type the word gambling into Google it might lead to gaming sites? They have that google cache thing. Better block access to that too.

More tilt. Fuckers. Really, unfunded mandates and censorship? This is the republican party? Its bad enough that my work is monitoring IMs now, but Jim Leach doesn't want me to check raise a fish who can't lay down his KK? And that justifies censorship? CENSORSHIP. That's what it is. The US governement wants to censor the internet.


I was on life tilt before I left for Vegas. Around 9 pm vegas time thursday it all seemed to melt away. I was lubricated and playing cards. I had just dropped "The Chilly" (43o) on some UFC knucklehead. Better yet he laid it down when I fired the third bullet on the turn that gave me a pair of fours.

Its Tuesday and the effect was only temporary. I am back on life tilt. I will write up some reports soon.
Coming in the next few days......
1. 1-2 NL? Really? Srsly?
2. 6:30 am Krispy Kremes
3. 7 hours sleep
4. Girls read me like a book
5. The T-Shirt guy
6. BlackJack, Pai Gow, Simone the Ice Queen and Why I am so over the Excal.

I will have more later, but until then, here is my half of the story.

For the record....

I am in the SB and it is limped to me twice. I complete for $1 with 82o. The BB pops it. He gets called twice, so I call. Four people see a flop of 872. I bet out, hero raises, fold, call, re-raise, re-reraise, fold, cap, call. Turn is a 2. I bet he calls. River is a blank, bet, call.

I show my boat, scoop a pot of $56 ($52 after the rake) and watch TooloftheMan go into a fit.

He stands up and makes mention of "fuck this fucking game" and storms off, four chips in hand. I laugh hysterically and stack my chips.

The cutoff and the button are the other callers in this story. I should add that they were hyper LAGs that usually play at the Commerce in LA. They bet 3rd pair like the nuts and I was trying to trap both of them.