Thursday, March 30, 2006

Jack and Ben and John

Jack was a kid that lived around the corner from me when I was growing up. My best friend lived next door and Jack lived around the corner. I don't remember exactly what happened but I found myself alienating him one day. I think I was a 12 year old kid and I was jelous that he was taking time away from me and my best friend or something. I said some really, really mean things to him. I essentially banished him on a whim. I don't remember why. I don't know what good it did. It was just one of those fights that kids have, I guess.

Ben was a kid that had it rough. He was the 10 year old that could be found at my house 10 blocks from home at 10:00 at night without a search party looking for him. You know, the kid whose parents really didn't care where he was. He wasn't unloved, he just wasn't loved enough. Ben went from kindergarten friend to first grade bully. He quickly evolved into a thorn in my side. One day I saw him beating on my best friend next door. So I trucked him. To truck someone is much like a tackle only more brutal. I charged as fast as I could and simply ran through him. He was bigger than me, but I had physics on my side. He didn't move for quite a while and I was certain that I had really hurt him.

John lived around the corner, the same corner as Jack only a little bit farther down the road. His dad was in jail for "stealing hubcaps". I don't have to tell you that a kid in second grade whose dad is in the clink for robbery is going to have issues. He had issues. I had to walk by his place everyday to get to and from school. He was much bigger than me. Looking back I am quite certain he was held back a grade or two. I don't remember a big turning point in which he fell out of my life. I remember him being a bully, him showing the girls at school his penis and then I don't remember seeing him again.

Ben and John's parents fucked them up. No matter what, I could have never have been a friend to them. Every once in a while I think about that day when I banished Jack. I made him cry. I did real damage for no good reason. I was a kid, but thats not an excuse. I was a lucky kid whose parents cared where he was at sundown. Jack was a nice kid that just wanted a friend. People suck. I am a person. I have sucked. I'm sorry Jack. I hope that day on the retaining wall didn't scar ou for life. I hope you're happy, healthy and well, wealthy.

I am reflecting on my childhood as I try to plan and chart a course for my son. Be a nice person, the Golden Rule and all of that are important. But mostly I think I just want him to suck a little bit (or a lot) less than me. There will be those moments on the playground when he is cruel. I hope that he has enough empathy that he can figure it out and make it right. I actually stopped writing and googled Jack's name, while his last name isn't Smith, its almost as common. I'll probably never know what happend in his life. Maybe he did something great. Maybe he is in jail. Based on the other kids I grew up with either is possible.

Its not about liking each other, or about getting along. Its about doing things and acting in a way that allows you to not just sleep at night, but to sleep peacfully. I'm sorry Jack, I was a 12 year old asshole.

UnCivil War

Here it is. I am all a clatter. G-Vegas is imploding. As I am most famous for baiting G-Rob you would think that this makes me happy.

Well it made me panic for about 3 seconds. Then I took a breath. Its fake. Yes I admit that I did place one phone call. Just one.

Read this.
Then this.
Go here to view more fake stuff.

Then read the comment at the end of this post.

I don't think Blood will ever live down blowing the whole thing.

The moaning, the panting, the screaming, the yelling?
Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake.

Sunday, March 26, 2006


I did not go to the playboy mansion, but I figure the words playboy mansion and poker blog will only increase my google rank. The week in review:
  • Bought a house.
  • Played zero poker. Looked for a wwdn tourney on Thursday but found nada. Did it get cancelled?
  • Played kickball twice. (1 homerun, I kick about 1 per week need to work on my OB%).
  • Sopranos was better tonight. Tony lives, Kevin Finnerty dies.
  • Big Love is the next 6 feet under. However the consensus is you either love it or hate it. I love it. The wife calls it porn.
  • Had the new house inspected. Started on the to do list to get the old one on the market. WEEEE. Nothing like fixing up a place you're going to leave.
  • Work is sucking. Product is starting beta tomorrow. Only its really alpha that were calling beta so we can go live in 2.5 weeks, and no I'm not in charge of the schedule.
  • The kid added duck and fish to the vocabulary. Mommy, daddy, hi, bye, UH-ohh, oooooh, thanks, this, more, kitty, duck and fish. I think there are a few others that I can't think of right now.
Here is a shot of the boy getting his hair cut. Yes ladies that's red hair with blonde highlites.

Friday, March 24, 2006

"The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the wall of our own homes."
Harold B. Lee (Big Love, baby)

"A good home must be made, not bought."
Joyce Maynard

We have been looking for a new house since November. We made on offer on one a while back but missed out when someone beat us to the punch. Then last Sunday we went to see a house. By Sunday night we were almost convinced it was THE house. I knew it was the house on Sunday afternoon when my wife called me 4 times in the middle of my kickball game. Monday evening I was on my way home and the realtor called. The deal fell through on the house we missed the boat on. It was back on the market. This led to a Monday evening full of discussion. Which house did we want? How much did we want to spend? They both need work but this has that and that has this....

We stayed up late and finally decided which house. The second one. It had more potential. We contacted our agent Tuesday morning and set a time. Then she called back. Someone else had already put a contract on the house. We needed to make an offer and make it good. We made a good offer. Good for the seller anyway. Actually we went back at 6:15 Tuesday night and made a new offer. We were hooked and didn't want to lose the house. Around10:00 Tuesday night we got the call. Our contract was accepted.

The inspection is today. I will have an understanding of how my weekends will be spent for the next 20-30 years after about 6pm tonight. This is a warning to all of you who enjoy taking my bankroll, I am semi-retired from poker. I have no dreams of check raising P.Hellmuth with K high. (okay I have dreams about it) I have no notions that I will ever turn pro. I will probablt never get around to winning a MTT. I do have a good idea that me, Home Depot, Lowes, and the Re-Store are going to be attached for a long, long time. I envison walking through the doors and having Sam the Paint Manager and Carla the cashier yell "CHILLY!".

Nervous doesn't begin to describe what I am feeling. I am excited, stressed, happy, delusional and depressed. I am driving my mortgage broker nuts. I have spreadsheets upon spreadsheets. I can quote you 30 year rates HELOC rates, points payments, everything. Escrow is a scam. Points are looking good. I locked at a good time, but Monday would have been better. I think I actually had chest pains for a while yesterday.

And yes Marty, I have all ready planned the poker room.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

"No Nuts"

Dear electronic internet diary that I lie to on a regular basis:

It has been six days since my last post. Poker has sucked. Grand total in the last week I have managed to go out first and second in two SNG's and something like 4th in Iggys WPBT Sat. Event. Congrats to Gracie. I hope she wears her "I Busted G-Rob" hat at the final table. That would rock.

So poker sucks.

I am about 45 minutes from going to put an offer on a money pit of a house that I think is pretty cool and my wife loves. Poker will have to get pushed aside as I prepare my house for sale and spend every weekend for the next three years working on the potential new digs.
Saturday was the first haircut. Photos forth coming.

Saturday night the in-laws are in town and we take them to my favorite eatery on the World Famous Hill. The Hill is the Italian-American neighborhood in St. Louis that among other things played childhood home to the likes of Yogi Berra. You can spit without hitting an Italian Restaraunt, bakery or deli. The food was great and the kid was well behaved, including downing half my spinach gnocchi and half his mom's filet.

After dinner we headed over to another South St. Louis Tradition, Ted Drewes, for frozen custard concretes and sundaes. If you are unfamiliar with a concrete think "Blizzard" from DQ only with more fat and more flavor.

The wife ordered a Fox Treat Conrete which is rasberries, chocolate and macedamia nuts. Since she was going to share with the boy she requested no nuts. My mother in law ordered a Fox Treat Sundae.

When discussing their respective orders my MIL asked my wife "So what did you get?"
"The same thing as you only a concrete with no nuts"

"NO NUTS!" yelled the boy.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I am bored, with time on my hands. I see everyone else doing it so I decided to do it too. No I don't really expect to make one red cent, I just thought they were funny. Well some are dumb and some are funny. Okay, mostly dumb, but I chuckled.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Poker in Poker Out

Online poker is slowly falling out of my life. I love to play but I find myself with less and less time. The kid is up and then I have chores to do. Then I am tired. etc. etc. That means I will never be more than a recreational player. I don't have the time to dedicate to the game. Moving up limits is a pipe dream.

Besides, I'd rather play catch with my kid.

Without online poker at a certain constant rate I am all but useless when I do manage to find my way to the boats or Vegas. That means maybe a foray into a $100 or $200 NL table, but never again will I sit at the $500 NL table. I am sentenced to a life of donkey play at 2/4 and 3/6 limit hell. Sure I'll take a lot of bad beats and the swings will be soul crushing, but at least I'll be hanging out with the finest types of people.

I was playing last night and really catching cards. I had two problems: 1.) all of my very good hands were out of position. 2.) When I led out everyone believed me. Trip T's, trip Q's, top 2 all on the flop and all out of position. I didn't even think about a check, not once. I just blasted away. Total ABC. Have a hand, bet it. Don't have a hand, fold it. I closed modestly up between 2 tables and went to play some $25 NL.

2 orbits in I realize I sat at a .50/1 LHE table with a recommended buy in of $25 instead of a $25 NL table. Must be time for bed.

Part of the problem is obviously focus. I play on a laptop in the recliner whilst must see garbage is flickering on the boob tube. Of course last night it was High Stakes Poker. Watching Daniel N. get his ass handed to him is must see tv. Is that really their money? Is Daniel really stuck $400K? Is Todd B. really that big of a baby? Man Sammy and fast Freddy are a good influence on all the fish I hope are watching and taking notes.

What the fish see: Sammy and Freddy can call 5x BB raise with any two. What the fish don't see: Sammy and Freddy can make tough lay downs.

I can't make tough laydowns, but I don't play any two.

Ramble and Ramble. I will never turn pro, nor will I supplement my income with poker. To make that + ev I need to play 30-60 for 1 BB/hr. I don't have the experience, the time to gain the experience, the bankroll or the time to build the bankroll to make that happen. I am stuck. Destined to tread water forever in the land where the rake crushed my soul and my opprotunity to move up.


I am a guy with a family and a job that occasionaly plays poker for fun. If I ever throw you a check raise you better be holding the immortal nuts because I have a hand.


I can still crush the 2-6 Spread Limt Vegas Holdem. CRUSH IT.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Who's Ready for Vegas?

I got the Mac back. So I decided to put it to use.
If that player doesn't work, try this link.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dad instructions

This is the first in the series of my explanation of how to be a dad.

1.) Have Sex with ovulating female
1a.) In lieu of having the sex you can marry a female (or Male) with kids or adopt.

2.) Find a daycare if that is your child care solution of choice. Pay the "get on a waitlist fee". the "application fee" and the "we know we're screwing you fee". You at least need cash, sometimes a fetus and sometimes an actual baby to get on the list.

3.) Sit back and wait 25-42 weeks. Yeah right.
3a.) Depending on the engagement period/bureacracy involved this may take several years.

4.) Keep your formerly ovulating, now gestating lady happy. This usually includes saltines, 7up and chocolate, followed by shopping, painting, assembling and keeping your pie hole shut. Learn to say things like, "yeah but Suzy was way fatter at 22 weeks and look how skinny she is now."
4a.) About the same, just less homorne fueled cycles of bliss-fear-anger-rage-bliss.

5.) Never underestimate the power of gifts.

6.) Go to Sam's or your shopping club of choice and purchase a case of animal crackers.

7.) Car seats. Install them sooner rather than later. DO NOT wait to install them, especially if you have been nagged. She will go into labor early just so she can say "I told you to install that car seat weeks ago! and now look, here we are ready to leave the hospital and I have to wait!"

8.) Volunteer to change as many diapers as possible. Trust me. As gross as this is you need to become adept and immune. Changing a 12 month olds "Meat Sticks and Cheese" loads is not something a diaper virgin can handle.
8a.) If you are adopting, well sorry, you will need a vomit basin.

9.) Remeber, your kid is the greatest kid on the face of the earth. Keep that fact a closely held secret for security reasons.

10.) Call daycare and confirm your waitlist status/ranking, at least weekly. Grease the office adminstrator if needed. Muffins>cash.

11.) Don't forget about the wife. Don't forget about yourself. Pregnancy and breast feeding = huge boobs.

to be continued.......