Monday, October 31, 2005

Lil' Chilly Says....


A poorly timed move (up)

So I dink at low limit LHE online. I play blogger tables of NL and LO, PLO, basically anything I find bloggers playing. But I do all this with a distinct purpose and goal in mind. To move up limits.

You see back in July I deposited $100 into Party and I have been running with it since. Mostly $5 and $10 SNG's and 2-4 limit, with a little 1-2 mixed in. Up down, all around, but mostly up. My bankroll, my play and my number of hands said it was time to move up to 3-6. I know, I know, huge scary move. Besides I already play 3-6 in B&M so what's th big deal? Well I am trying to do this in a methodical, learning type of way.

My limit game has much improved. I no longer cold call with any pocket pair or Ax suited. My agression is way up, pre-flop open raise with AJo or dump it. 6-6 will also pre-flop open raise, ut likely get dumped to a ep raise. I have a much better understanding of limit, playing position and reading my opponent.

(BG skip this part as it is a hand history)
For instance, I limp on the button in a 5 way pot with 78o. Flop is jack high but gives me an OESD, and backdoor flush draw, checked to me and I bet. BB raises me. Turn pairs my 8 and river is an A. The flush misses and the str8 is gone. I have 4th pair with a bad kicker. I put the Lag in ep on a flush draw or overcards. He is betting the whole way. On the river I call his bet. I think he's missed his flush and is bluffing at the pot. He shows pocket 77 for 5th pair.

Was I a donk or did I make a good play? Obviously I made the right call, but I did I make the right play? I think I should have raised on the end. It gives me 2 ways to win, but potentially costs a lot more when I lose. If I truly think he has nothing but a busted draw I think the raise would have the right play.

So about this poorly timed move. Like I said before, I moved up from 2-4 to 3-6. Its like crack. I see you betting into me and I get all giddy. I take down an 8bb pot on the flop and my heart goes pitter patter.

However since I made the move I am stuck almost 20 bb's. WTF? Well I'll tell you WTF. My VP$IP is 13.4!!! What is that a result of? Unplayable cards, dicipline and a little variance. I have not fallen into the trap of cold calling with KJo because its the best hand I've seen in four orbits. I refuse to enter most pots unless I can do it for a raise. Unfortunatly the deck has been mostly cold for the last 400 hands. I had one run were I tore off 16 bb's in 94 hands. Other than that I am card dead.

Variance. 400 hands. AA twice. thats about right. Stuck 3/4 of a BB is not. My AA got cracked by 69s that was capped preflop. God dammit, don't you know that I am in the midst of a downswing? Cut me a little slack. At least make it connectors for crust sake.

AKs once for -3bb's
AKo once for -4bb's
QQ once for -4.5 bb's

Overall, 19 pocket pairs in 407 hands and 1 set. I turned three dueces on a bring in hand.

Why am I so happy with a downswing? The two months ago me would have been stuck 40 bb's instead of only 20. One other note. My wins have been at tight tables. The LAG tables with huge pots have killed me.

Here's to the future. It looks bright. I am on top of my game. All's I need now is a bit of a run and I'll have the roll to show it.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Blogger Prop Betting

Captain Freeman and I are setting up a prop bet. Apparently he's a fat kid too. So to kick our mutual asses into gear we are putting some bucks on the line. Who WILL win?

The bet: weight lose goal is 25#. For every pound -100 to 25 that the winner loses in excess of the loser the winner gets $1. For every POUND over 25, the winner gets $10.

Here is the example I used: When I lose 30 and YOU lose 22 you would owe me $3 for 22-25 and $50 for 25-30.

The Rules as proposed so far:

1. Certify starting weights. We have to figure this out. I don't want you crying cheater at the end.
2. Competition Starts on weight certification day.
3. Contest ends 12/31/05 or when we can weigh in.
4. Payments - I suggest transfers to Party accounts.
5. Stakes - as above, the $200 cap is fine. I don't want to bust a professional poker player right out of the gate.
6. I claim exclusive use of BadBlood as an advisor.

Royals, Jackpots and Flopping the Nuts

So I hit my first royal last night, but that's really not the story. The hand history. The Walrus flys at noon. I limped in LP with KsJs after a bunch of limpers ahead of me. Flop is 8xQsTs. I flopped an OESFD! I was immediately on the chatty von chat device to Dimebag with the words "I flopped and OESFD!" The flop is capped! and the turn is As. Woot! Royal flush. So guess what happens....That's right I get raised on the turn. Showtunes Manly rock songs were going off in my head for sure. That's right. I hit my first royal flush and I bet, called, raised!, I re-raise, fold, call. We get the turn one bet short of capping! The river was a blank. I bet, he called, I win.

The real story.... We were at a Party bad beat table. He flopped a set of 8's. I had one out on the river for close to $20k. Damn. Ever been deflated after winning a hand with a Royal Flush?


I love playing suited connectors. You know 67, 78, 89, 9T. Here is the problem. How do you play them when you flop the nuts or near nuts? How do you play them when you flop TP? I flopped a str8 with 78 on a flop of 456. I flopped a ship* with 67 on a flop of 766, not the nuts, but close. The problem with suited connectors is that they flop nuts, but vulnerable nuts. You likely open raised or limped. Who eles in the pot with you? Suited overs and pocket pairs of course.

So here is the question, how do you play flopped nuts. Fast or slow? I try fast with danger cards such as 2 suited out there. I slowplayed the 67 ship, which was a mistake, here? I mean I have my opponent drawing to a 2 outer (pocket 9's). A little background though. The last time I flopped a ship with 67....The board read 76667.

I know the answer is "It depends". I'm talking low-limit no foldem holdem. 4-5 to the flop and you flop the nuts. Long story short I have flopped the nuts and been beat by the river at least 3 times in the last month. It just sucks. I know, embrace the beat.

*Ship is the new blogger term for a boat. Use it in December in Vegas. "I flopped a ship" and the fish will tilt. I guarantee it. I know it grated on you just reading ship over and over above.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Its as if he's talking directly to me

The Mighty G-Rob wrote up a piece about the anonominity of the webshere and how that makes peoples true colors shine. I think he's partially correct. And I think he's talking to me. Maybe not directly, but I can relate.

(Ed. note, I commented on his post after only reading 1/3. I just couldn't help but baiting him with my line from this confrontation. Warning, I just ramble and ramble for the rest of this post.)

Example of Bad, Bad Beat whining. Last night I had a bad beat whiner at my table. His flopped 2 pair got rivered by a 4str8. He goes on and on about how the guy didn't know how far behind he was etc. So I peeked at the hand history. Whiner had A6, winner had A8. Whiner flopped aces up to take the lead with a dominated hand. Getting rivered there is not a bad beat. Yes he caught lewis-wilbanks to make a str8. But on the turn he had TP and an OESD. So I promptly start chatting and tell the guy that its not a Bad Beat. The winner just tells him he a XXXX.

Back on point. Does the anonymous characteristic of the web make us show our true colors? Yes it does. And no it doesn't. The web allows true colors to shine, but it also allows us to live a bit of a controlled schizo life. A true to life fantasy life. Hell, I heard there's this one blogger that has some people convinced he's a midget (he is) and others that he's a stay at home house frau all the while being a stay at home dad and heir to the Proctor and Gamble fortune who never plays poker.

I definitely say things here that I don't say to the general public. I talk about things that I don't tell a lot of people. Hell, I'm still not even sure that the wife realizes I have this damn thing.

I call people names, I make crude jokes etc. Not that I don't do that in "real life" its just that I much more careful about who I say it too or about. Also most of what I write is either interesting to me, or funny to me. If you think so too, then great, i not, turn the channel.

Where am I going with all of this?

I have never threatened anyone online, nor have I called someone the "n" word, both of which I saw on party last weekend. How the knew or thought they new someones race, I'll never know. This is the worst I have ever done on this blog at least I think.

The worst I ever saw in real life? Well I think I was justified I tried to get the guy fired for it. You see me an my college friends had a perpetual email smack talk fest for a good many years. This usually centered around March Madness and Fantasy Football. I made a mistake of a typo in an email addresss once. My buddies email was gsmith3@$&$&$&.com and I typed in gsmith@$&$&$&.com. Whoops. There were about 8-10 of my college buddies on the email and we went back and forth for days all talking smack about each other. Then gsmith sends us all a note and asks to be removed from our string. OOps, soory about that. I prompty send an email to everyone, pointing out my mistake and ask them to help me in correcting it. It doesn't work. They basically ignore me and continue on.

Now gsmith gets pissed. Apparently he has his home email forwarded to his work email. So from work he writes me a note a threatens bodily harm if I don't make it stop. Um, okay. So I take the work email and look up the companies url. I see that he is high enough up in the company to have his photo on the web site. Bingo.

I reply to gsmith with instructions on how to block spam. I also state that I think its highly inappropriate for him to threaten me. I let him know that I took steps to correct the mistake and that since his request I hadn't personally emailed him. I itereate that by threatening me he may have broken several state and federal laws. I spoke to the reputation of his employer and how by using his work email to threaten me well.... did I mention that I copied his CEO and all the vice-presidents on the message? HR too. Oh yeah. I tried to be a nice guy, I tried to fix my fuck-up, and then you threatened my well being.

Where I come from if a man says come on you'd damn well better come on.

Who gets that pissed over spam anyway?

I am not an evil prick. I do have a dry and sometimes cruelish? sense of humor. If I were a comedian I'd want to be Jim Norton, not Jerry Seinfeld. But I also have guilt. If I fully respect the golden rule. If I call G-Rob or TooloftheMan or BMac a name, I fully expect them to fire back. Unfortunatly I am a small fish and none of them want waste there time by sparring with me.

Back to the guilt. I have said things in my life to and about people that were a little (a lot)over the line. I always feel badly. Hell, on Sunday I was playing $10 NL with Drizz and won a pot and told him to "Suck it". This is my standard statement when I put a beat on someone I know. I say it all the time at our homegames. So in my twisted mind I am treating Drizz like a friend althought I have never met him, by chatting "Suck it". He questioned me and I back peddled. I don't know if he was offened or not, but he could have been and I felt bad. Then his kid started spewing chunks.

In other guilty times, I responded to an email to a bunch of my friends on the subject one of guys impending nuptials. Now the groom to be is known as being a little tight with his money. I took that concept and ran with it. I think I made mention of his ability/willingness to pay for circus freaks at the reception and that was the light stuff. I crossed the line, and immediatly felt huge guilt. I knew I crossed the line, too late. Now I didn't say anything that was unretractable but I immediatly issued an apology. Upon re-reading the note I took to many liberties with the facts, the history and the situation. I said things that if said about me would have made me feel bad. I felt like shit. I still do. EW, I really am sorry. I think you are are really nice guy, and a good poker player.

I also live by this addage. If you want to know the truth about a person watch how they treat waitstaff. If someone is a prick to a waiter or waitress they are a prick. You don't treat strangers like that. You only treat your friends like that.

Also, don't ever call the fish, fish in chat. You'll spook them away. I know your aces just got cracked in a pre-flop capped pot with 93off. Still, do you want them at the table or out of the game?

So why am I the way I am. Well first, how am I?

I am usually honest, and I act like I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. truthfully I do care what certain people think. Here's how it breaks down:

  • If I don't know you, I don't care what you think cause I might never see you again anyway. I might give you the shithammer if you deserve it. Otherwise I'll be an ass in your presence but treat you with respect.
  • If I know you a little, I care what you think if I like you, don't care if I don't like you. If I like you, you get the gentle ribbing. If I ignore you or don't tease/berate you - I don't like you.
  • If we are more than aquaintances but less than BFF's, I care what you think, but you are in the realm of getting the full on treatment. I will tell you the truth and laugh and point and make sure everyone else knows too. I may hurt your feelings because I am feeling out that line and I might slip across. Sorry in advance.
  • If we are BFF's I once again don't care what you think, your my BFF, your not going anywhere. I know that I really can't hurt your feelings, cause I know exactly where the line is.
  • If you are my wife you get treated like a queen. In then end I really only care what you think.
  • If you are my family, you get mostly that respectful kid from high school, frozen in time, just how you loved me most.

So why am I the way I am. Why do I act like an ass? Well, basically because I won. Thats right. I won. I have a great wife and a great kid. I win. You can't take that away from me, no matter what I say or do. On top of that I spent the first 25 years of my lie fcensoring myself. Fook that. I have no time for douchebags. Its easiest to just call a douchebag out an move on.

The problem now is that I feel like I know many of you because I read so much of what you write. While, I'll never threaten you, I might call you a donk, or worse.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A great Take on Blogs

I know, I know, Dilbert is a fresh as last weeks pancakes. But Scott Adams is an original thinker much like Matt and Trey. I thought his entry on having a gun fire in a comic strip was gold. I love groupthink.

Quoting Scott Adams:

When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won’t have time to think about other people.

People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a thought process much like this:
1. The world sure needs more of ME.
2. Maybe I’ll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of knowing my thoughts.
3. No, wait, shouting looks too crazy.
4. I know – I’ll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them.
5. If only there was a description for this process that doesn’t involve the words egomaniac or unnecessary.
6. What? It’s called a blog? I’m there!

The blogger’s philosophy goes something like this: Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.

The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn’t need to be written anyhoo.

If that doesn’t inspire you to read my blog, I don’t know what will.

You can find the Dilbert Blog at

Monday, October 24, 2005

Limit or No Limit?

That is the question of no less than Shakespearian proportions. I am now officially torn. I am smart enough to know that I really should pick one and run with it. I thought I had. I picked NL about a year ago. Then I got kicked and re-kicked in Vegas last June. I quickly realized that I had no idea of wtf I was doing at the NL table. I switched to limit as a means of controlling the bleeding. Since then I have ran it up okay. Limit has beat me down a bit as of late. Friday I took a couple of beats that only limit can produce.

Then I played NL a few times in the past weak and found that it's like crack. My 4.5 month foray into limit has had an odd result, odd to me at least. Blogger table not withstanding, my NL game is much better. Even at the blogger table yesterday when I made bad calls, bluffs, etc. I would say to myself:

"Self you know you are chasing a 3 outer, right?"
"Yeah , but the equity I get from busting Iggy/Drizz/Dr. Pauly/Daddy/Maudie/Ephro/Derrick/ with this hand more than makes up for my lack of odds."

Suddenly I can play in position, select better starting hands, value bet and bluff. I continuation bet, semi-bluff, semi-bluff check-raise and all kinds of things. I steal orphan pots. I slow play monsters exactly like I play TPTK and feast on the corpse. No one knows wtf I am holding. When did I grow dangly things between my poker legs? Should I stick with the limit? Should I give NL a real chance again?

I am contemplating Limit cash games mixed with a large dose of NL SNG's and the occasional MTT. I am also considering riding out limit until I bust or reach higher levels with a goal of hitting 10/20 or 15/30. I am also considering jumping back into NL at the $100 level and seeing what I can do as a short term experiment, like 1-2 months.

Decisions, Decisions.

I'm Wading in Deep

So what is the difference between this site and this site? One I like and the other I find disgusting. Can you guess which is which? How is any of this different from this or this?

(ed. note: I am not against pokerfilter, blogsonpoker or even oddjack. I am more raising the question what is the difference between these sites and mogmunch? Why do I find one evil and the others okay? I think its because I understand the motivations. Some will say that Oddjack is the same as butcrunch, but its different. The editor/writer at OJ has actually read the content and finds it worthwhile and adds commentary before linking to it, he blogs about something he found and links so you can enjoy it too. I propose snifsnatch day where everyone getting hijacked puts out a feed that calls critchcratch a shill.)

I am not the most knowledgeble on the topic, but here is a bit of my take. After reading this post on Up4Poker I decided to take a stance. If you link to it to make a profit you suck. If you aggregate to shill you suck. If you don't see whats wrong with what you are doing, you suck.

You see I actually work for one of the largest publishing companies in the WORLD. I have to deal with the creative types, the authors all the time. The material that we publish comes in two flavors. Work for hire and Author owned. Work for hire means that I hire someone to create something and when they are done, I own it. I can use it in any manner I see fit. Author Owned means that the owner retains ownership and I have to pay them everytime I use their material. This is usually a cash advance and a % of revenues. In addition, before I use it they get to sign off on the final product. The owner gets approval of the usage of the material. If someone wants to be able to distribute links and drive traffic, great. If you want to drive traffic through you, because of a long standing link to me, fine. If you want to make money I have but one question for you:

"Where's my movie check Banky?"

This is a never ending battle that will go on forever on the internet. Not that my stuff has been ripped off, yet. Yadd, yadda, yadda. What do I care. I don't know yet. I just know that if you want to make money from my sweat and tears that I want my cut. AND, I want approval prior to the use of my material.

Scroll down to the bottom of this page a read. I am a fat kid, and I will. Really fat. And kinda' quick too. So don't run, you'll just piss me off more.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Background and Rants: Read if You Love G-Rob

First the rants.

Why does blogger only intermittently send my the email about a new comment on my blog. Don't you Google owned cash wasters know that my entire sense of self is now cemented in the emails I get informing me that someone has left a comment here? Ever since they took this damn thing down for maintenence a few weeks ago it has worked about as hard as a retired panhandler.That and new readers like to read old posts and leave comments there. How would I ever know?

My boss lives in a good area of the suburbs. I, like most of the STL boys live in the city. She has rats in her basement. I don't. Justice is served with a side of the plague.

My parents are coming into town this weekend. Free nights out without having to pay a sitter. Yeah!!!!

One of our cats, "The Handi-Cats" has been in the hospital since Sunday. She came home today. Her kidneys are sick, making her very sick. She is the youngest of the three. Chances are slim for a long term recovery so things are very somber around the homestead. Yes I call my cats the "Handi-Cats". Scotch is mine, she has a paw that is nerve dead from frostbite. Morten is the wife's, he "caught" his tail when he was a kitten, bit it bloody, and had to have about 2 inches of the thing chopped off. Until Sunday, Cleo's (ours) "Handi-Cat" superpower was obesity. She is an 8 pound cat trapped in a 12 pound frame. Now she has renal failure, vaulting her to #1 Handi-Cat. We think she ate a toxic plant. Or as Carlin would say, she is trying to commit suicide.

If we get this upset when the cat is sick, what will we ever do if the boy gets sick?

End Rant.


Begin Background.

In the previous post I put up a hand history where I bust G-Rob. Some of you have expressed an interest in why I have an obsession with G-Rob. Well I don't have an obsession exactly. Other than the hair. You see I am nearing complete baldness where the closest G-Rob will ever get to bald is a distinguished grey.

It all started in Vegas this past June. I had just had my set of fours busted in a huge pot in a NL ring game. Donkey got all his chips in on a draw. I moved over to the 2-6 spread limit and proceeded to begin donking off my stack due to VP$IP 95% tilt. G-Rob sat down to my left and began stacking up. We were having a plesant conversation. Then we got heads up in a pot. He had flopped something and was pushing. I had a nut flush draw. On the turn he told me he new I was on a draw. I stubbornly stick with it, miss and muck. He took down a nice pot. I am still on tilt months later.

Then I made a statement in this post that was taken as an insult to G-Vegas. Then I apologised here a mere 2 days later. In the interium all of G-Vegas put me on a hit list. I think I also commentted on a G-Rob post as well that only served to stoke the fire, but I can't find it. The continued onslaught of G-Vegas and the unacceptance of my apology forced my hand. I had to write this post.

In a special post, G-Rob fired back at me and at St. Louis. He made reference to the Rams and to Stan the Man and then he cowered like a pussy and deleted the post. He at least could have comment posted it to my blog if he didn't want trivial matters clogging up the profound compositions at upforpoker.

Since that time we have been in a state similar to a cold war "mutual assured destruction".

Then G-Rob posted his party userid on his blog. I started hunting immediatly. I put him on the buddy list and looked for him. Then the other night, there he was. But he wasn't at a table. Then the night after that, there he was, at a table. I join the waiting list and sat back and waited.

Soon enough I am at the table. G-Rob folds the flop/turn of the current hand and I comment "G-Vegas always folds." He fires back "St. Louis sucks." Good, he knows I'm in the house. I post and fold my first hand. Then a few hands later I am UTG +2 with AK hearts. UTG limps and I make it 6x BB to go. The rest is history. G-Rob has AJ and rivers 2 pair. He pushes his dominated hand and I take down a nice pot. The looky lou's get all in his face for the St. Louis sucks comment. He stands up and doesn't return.

I celebrate wildly. First I email G-Rob the hand history to make sure he knows it was me that busted him. Then I blog it. Now I write about here. In general a lot of joy over a $38.71 pot. Man I suck.

And some sadness. I dont have any 2-6 tilt left. I don't care to cross swords with G-Rob anymore.

I figured out a long time ago why I fueled this make-believe feud. First, G-Vegasians can get a homegame together anytime. I can't. They play at the stakes I'd like to play. They have a shitload of fun. G-Rob and I occupy a similar niche in our respective groups. I generally get along with Otis's friends (TooloftheMan). G-Rob seemed like he had the stones to take it. I had to pick on someone outside of STL to berate and insult.

And that hair. I can only grow a crop like that on my back, and even that is turning grey.

So here it is. I declare cease fire. No more G-Rob or put downs. No more hunting G-Rob on Party. If he wants to play against me I'm sure he'll invite me. I'm always up for a good match and I'm sorry I spoiled your fishing the other night.

Now that the G-Rob thing is over.....

Has anyone seen that little fucker Otis? I've got a bone to pick with him. He's all, "I win huge MTT's" and "I play 10/20 for a huge profit" and "I kissed a hot poker player on both cheeks." and "I get paid to travel to europe and vegas." At least he's going bald, right? Oh, no thats BadBlood, sorry.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

G-Vegas vs. St. Louis... I bust G-Rob

Obligatory hand history post. Sorry G-Rob, just unlucky. Except the part where you cold called me with AJ and then continued to call me down. That was head-hunting.

Did I mention this was the first hand I played after my bring in?

**** Hand History for Game 2902107754 *****
$25 NL Texas Hold'em - Wednesday, October 19, 21:19:25 EDT 2005
ewenger posts small blind [$0.10].
kietle posts big blind [$0.25].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Good_43 [ Ah Kh ]
erinbraugh4 calls [$0.25].
ubiethegreat folds.
Good_43 raises [$1.50].
munro_eh folds.
bull62048 folds.
Grobman calls [$1.50].
MALS6 folds.
ewenger folds.
kietle did not respond in time.
kietle folds.
erinbraugh4 calls [$1.25].
** Dealing Flop ** [ Ks, 5s, 5d ]
erinbraugh4 checks.
Good_43 bets [$2.25].
Grobman calls [$2.25].
erinbraugh4 folds.
** Dealing Turn ** [ Jd ]
Good_43 bets [$4.45].
Grobman calls [$4.45].
** Dealing River ** [ Ad ]
Good_43 bets [$8].
Grobman is all-In [$11.23]
Good_43 calls [$3.23].
Good_43 shows [ Ah, Kh ] two pairs, aces and kings.
Grobman doesn't show [ Ac, Js ] two pairs, aces and jacks.
Good_43 wins $38.71 from the main pot with two pairs, aces and kings.
Good_43 balance $44.03, bet $19.43, collected $38.71, net +$19.28 [ Ah> Kh ] [ two pairs, aces and kings -- Ah,Ad,Kh,Ks,Jd
Grobman balance $0, lost $19.43 [ Ac Js ] [ two pairs, aces and jacks> -- Ac,Ad,Ks,Js,Jd ]

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am against the Evil that has penetrated within.....

PokerStars is announcing ANOTHER contest within a contest. For all registrants of PokerStars Blogger Championship, we are giving out a cool PokerStars Fleece for the following contest:In your own words (any length you think is appropriate), tell PokerStars what makes a good blog. If you have a poker blog or one that has this as a major topic, please add relevance to poker in your topic.Email all entries to: I will announce the winner and post his answer and blog URL on our blog this upcoming Friday the 21st. Good Luck!

What makes a good Poker blog? Here are my 20 rules to (poker) blog by.

1. Hand history posts. Required twice per week.

2. Bad Beat Stories. Required 3 per month. Once must have headline "_______kicked me in the junk.....AGAIN!"

3. Commentary on online poker being rigged (pro or con). One post every six months, unless your quads lose twice in one session, then one of the posts from #2 can be used here.

4. Blatantly plagiarise Otis, Dr. Pauly or Iggy. Required once per year.

5. Blast Oddjack. Required once in lifetime of blog. (check)

6. Lay odds on Rini vs. BG, Battle of Blogs. Once everytime its appropriate.

7. Call Felicia out. Once a week, until she kicks your ass.

8. Post a piece that lets everyone know you know which April is which, without using the words Austin, notapokerblog, California or "H".

9. Call G-Rob names. Mandatory every post. "G-Rob is a Smofe."

10. To be an effective poker blogger you must have attended the gun show in person.

11. Never, ever comment on someone else blog. Just like Drizz.

12. Never use sarcasm as a literary device.

13. Always link your references to others so that newbies can get up to speed.

14. Ignore as irrelevant all those who shill. Never, ever shill.

15. Tell everyone you meet that you have a blog. Have the url and email address printed on business cards that you can handout.

16. If there are bloggers who are better players than you, insult them personally and call their hometown backwater.

17. Never play, contemplate playing or even discuss the play of "The Hammer".

18. Randomly blog lists of people that were in the bathroom at the same time as you. Joe from editorial, Sean from HR, Brenden for e-ed, Steve from wardrobe and Janie from accounting.

19. Never use a nickname.

20. Alway blog true to yourself. Don't blog like a pussy.

Monday, October 17, 2005

This Agency Thinks I'm Important

I was just emailed a press release to the email address that I use on this blog from a PR firm of all places. They sent me a press release. I guess they want me to shill for them about some big corporate deal to get more dead money into the WSOP and to pump the sponsor. It is a legit press release with phone numbers and everything. I will respond to the shill seeker here.


Listen, I know you think that emailing a press release to poker bloggers about the latest corporate poker deal seems like +ev, but trust me it isn't.

First- we hold in low regard the shill. Unless you want to purchase some ad space or even some editorial content, in that case I think my MBA could be put to good use singing the praises of your clients' corporate strategy and good timing. Hell I'll bust out the big whooping stick and break off a Porter's 5 forces and follow it with an olde tyme SWOT analysis. Okay, we've established that I am a whore, not a slut, now we need to discuss the price. Its more than the free you're offering.

Second- Dont' ever give your phone number to a poker blogger, especially in an unsolicited email. I am 5 seconds from sending said number to Al. You ever do a dial-a-shot? Ever had a "CantHang" experience? Do you like Soco? I see by your area code that you are in Baltimore. Thats not too far from the boat house. In fact your office is a mere 95 miles from the Boathouse.

Third- Your clients are weaselly. I abhor one and tolerate the other. A bigger conglomeration of f-ups and corporate self-servicing archetypes would be hard to assemble.

Fourth- I'd have preferred that the press release had a URL that I could link too so that everyone could see the topic of this rant without me coming out and calling these two large companies names. Especially since I frequent one of their establishments on a regular basis.

Fifth- Nobody reads this thing. Send it to Iggy. He has all kinds of readers, some of whom might even be stupid enough to use AOL's your client's products to try and win a freeroll into the WSOP.

Sixth- Really, mass mailing to bloggers? Thats the new wave PR machine? You're going to have to come up with something a bit more relevant than ISP induced freerolls if you want degenerate gamblers to shill this shit for you. Are people still paying $20/month for dial-up? Hows that business model going? A BCG Box would likely indicate that this is a cash cow, slowly eroding into a dog.

Seventh- See the passion and creativity I use to attack a topic that I enjoy? This mass of humanity could be focused on your project at reasonable rates.

Eighth- Do Lori D and Gary T know that you sent me their phone numbers too? I'd be pissed if I was them. Especially after....well you'll see.

Ninth- I did find this part of the press release interesting and I will blatantly plagiarise it here:

According to a recent study from Evil Whores and SRBI Public Affairs, almost half (47 percent) of Americans surveyed play poker in some form. Among poker players, almost one in five (17 percent) say they have played poker more than ever before, and about a quarter (26 percent) have taken up the game just in the past year. furthermore, more than one-third of the poll respondents (37 percent) watchpoker events such as the World Series of Poker on television, and about one-in-10 (11 percent) have played poker online. Additionally, when asked why they play on the Web, most players said it was to learn the game or to practice before playing at offline casino events.

Tenth- Disguising your email as an innocent ploy:

"Thought you may be interested in this World Series of Poker news..."

is about more than I can handle. Just say something honest like
"Hey one of my office minions harvested your email address's off your blog that contains poker content so I thought I'd shotgun this piece of shit press release about some crappy freerolls to as many of you blogger chumps as I could find hoping that it will start a "viral marketing" phenonmenon that will get me promoted. "

Questions can be directed to Chilly at isdn72-HAMMER at tat tat yahoooooo! dot commy. Or to . Whats that I smell? Spam in Sara's inbox I think.


Good Cards Make for Easy Poker (aka Nerd Time)

A little back of the "hand" statistical analysis.

Over the past 6 weeks I have been delt 7,341 hands of poker. I have been delt a pocket pairs 429 times or an average of 33 times for each pocket pair 22-AA.

Expected is:
7341/210 = 35 7341/221=33
Standard Deviation is 6.656.

So the number of pocket pairs is slightly below right at the expected number but well within the expected range.



I have been delt AA 44 times. This is 11 instances more than my average, 11 more than the expected average and 1.42 1.65 standard deviations more than expected. The standard deviation is calculated on my experience, not the true stdev for getting delt a pocket pair in a 10 handed ring game of hold'em.

So am I playing well? Or is AA saving my ass?

The amount I have won with AA is = 78% of my online bankroll. I have won with it 81% of the time at a clip of 3.88 BB each time I get it. I have never slowplayed it. My pre-flop raise % is 100%.

Taking the above stats into account I have been delt AA 3 4 extra times. Or 3 4 times outside of the expected range so there is an extra 11.84 16.85 BB's from AA in my roll right now.

Thats 68% of my bankroll.

Ready for another swing? I guess I better be.

Other notes: I have been delt 55 25 times, 33 25 times and 22 24 times. Well below the expected. But thats okay, I play small pocket pairs in a -EV fashion all the time.

Feel free to correct my math as I spent about five minutes doing this and didn't check my work. Why? cause Im not getting graded so why TF should I? you get the point of the post even if my math is fuzzy, right?

Thanks to Mr. Subliminal for point me in the right direction and for the heads up that the swing is going to be bigger than I thought.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I'll say it..Jason Lane is a coward

Jason Lane intentionally slid into Abraham Nunez. Using the power of Tivo.... he slides offline and initiates contact 5 feet from the base and 2 feet outside his straight line path to the base. Some call that hard nosed baseball. I call it a cheap play. Its good baseball to break up a double play. But in that case the shortstop or 2nd baseman is expecting it. Nunez is at third with no opprotunity to throw anyone else out. Lamb could see that Nunez is setting up way away to receive an offline throw. Lamb altered his course, if he had taken the direct line and slid in there was no way for a tag to be applied. Its a bullshit pussy play that only cowards and chumps make. I hope his father is embarrassed. I know I would be.

If Jason Lane doesn't get plunked soon I'd be surprised.


Happy Halloween!

In Case You Didn't Hear....

The HUGE party bad beat jackpot was hit.

sambo823 has hit the Progressive Jackpot and won $236140.41.
redknob714 won the hand and received $118070.20.
aaplayer, NE14DuckMeat, GyreGrus, roadie11, pappy73, YellowBrick, MagicMike44, Guttzee played in the hand and received $14758.78 each.

BTW Friday I was playing and found none other than the Blogfather slumming it at my 2-4 table. He didn't stick too long, or maybe he was there for a long time before I arrived? I like to think that once I sat down he knew he should move to greener pastures ;). Get your ass back to the bigger games and leave us peons alone.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Brutal yet Expected

Its official. The month of October sucks equally as much as the month of September rocked. I just had two of the most brutal beats of the entire downswing. This is of course coupled with some fishy play on my part. The beats I can handle. The worst of it is that my sets have been getting crushed. If I slow play them I get drawn out on. If I play them fast someone turned a flush or a str8 etc. Long story short, in September I was unbeatable, in October I am completely beaten. 110 BB's already and its only the 12th. AAAAARRRRRRRGHHH!.

I can't help but tell you about the last 2, back to back. I just had a turned broadway rivered by a boat, 10-8 off for a raise. The very next hand a I limp UTG with 66 and flop the antichrist. A four flush later and I lose to the pocket 99 with one club.

Damn you poker I hate thee. Your siren song calls me to your side each and every night. I am a faithful servant that pays your rake and take your badbeats. Is it so hard to throw me some sustainance? Seriously only 2 out of my last 7 sets has held up. WTF is that?

Seriously the beats hurt, but I am learing to take them in stride and note the fishy play, but when combined with my love of set chasing, cold calling and seeing the turn I am getting killed.

My initial reaction was to tighten up, but I found myself losing my preffered level of aggression. I still think this is a problem, the lack of aggression. But I have been brow beaten by the slowplays and passive players.

The rest of the month is open, raise or fold. I swear it is. No more limps, no more slow play, no more check calling with a 2 outer. First a break. A couple of nights off.

Hey Stupid, you know how to play, make it happen.

On a happier note, Monday was Columbus day and I accompanied my government employed friends to our little slice of poker down by the river, the Harrah's STL Poker Room. Arrived around 10 and left around 4.

First 5 hours sucked as I managed to win three or four pots. Everyone was getting called all the way down. I catch AA utg raise it up and get only two callers. Flop a set on they bail on the check flop bet turn. So I tread water and am around even after being down to $20 from a $100. I rebuy for an additional $40 to give me enough in case I hit a hand and need the ammo. I get to even with a BB special of Q6 that flops 6's full Q's and pocket 10's that hold against 2 callers with a str8, flush and 2 overcards on the board.

The move.

Dimebag is sitting next to TooloftheMan all day. He drops 2 buyins. Gets up and watches the 3 table MTT. My table breaks and I decide to pass the time sitting next to Tool. First hand is KJo. I flop TP and lose. next hand KJ0 I flop 2 pair and win. Next hand I hit a set but get away from the guy who forsure has a flush.

Next hand I am in the cutoff with 45 hearts. It is limped 5 times in front of me. I limp and one of the blinds raises. It is called all the way around. I am up a little and I come along to see a flop of 457. Raiser bets and is called back to me. I raise and it called 3 times and re-raised. I call.

Turn is a blank (can't remember, but no flush or str8 card). I am in position and call the reraisers bet. I think were heads up to the river, which was a beautiful 4. I have rivered a ship. Lady bets and I raise. She calls out my hand and pays me off. She flopped a str8 with 6-8.

Brutal indeed.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Small Pimpin'

Thanks to Al for pointing this out to me: is in no way affiliated with this blog or its author, the author's family or friends. Please don't start an FBI file on me.

Go read about Pokah in the northeast at BTW Dave list me a one of the best blogs. You should too.

Last 5 search terms to hit this thang:
1.) SWOT Analysis of Hooters Restaraunt (do your own freaking homework)
2.) Al Harbosky Sports Bar (The Hungo gets his drink on)
3.) Poker Dictionary Suckout (Wondering why everyone is calling you suckout artist and what that means?)
4.) South Cacalacky (Someone is actually searching for this place?)
5.) Crazy Horse Too (Planning a trip?)

Poker. I am one limit playing mofo. I ran up well last weekend, catching cards. Variance is back and I fell off a total of a buyin over the past 3 days. Evidence: I hit one set out of the 21 pocket pairs I have been dealt. Tightened up, played more carfully. And waited for cards.

VP$IP - 22.59 ( little tight, mostly from picking off maniacs)
BB/100 - 5.63 (not bad, I win big pots and lose small ones)
Won $ @ SD - 52.9 (This could be better. To many calls on the end)
Total rake - 394 (ouch)

A point. I don't know the optimal VP$IP but I do know that the 9 guys over 75 (2 0ver 90) are bad bad players.

Oh yeah and I started using poker tracker too, can you tell?

How's this for a weekend?

Thursday: Cards-Padres tix
Friday: 1/2 day work-1/2 day poker room, with dinner party later on.
Saturday: Trip to Winery to get my drunk on
Sunday: Recover and watch NFL
Monday: Columbus Day- all day poker room action cause daycare's not closed but work is.



Sunday, October 02, 2005

Not Just a One Night Stand

Back in college I wasn't exactly a Romeo or a smooth operator. I got my share of action, but I was a little shy. All of that ended about halfway through sophomore year. It was a 4 month conversation and courtship but it can be summarized thusly:
"Hey, your that red-shirt on the volleyball team."
"Your cute."
"What's your major?"
"So let me get this straight. Your cute, a great athlete and going to be a doctor?"
"What are you doing Friday?"
"Wanna go out?"
"Oh yeah, and what are you doing for the next 50 years?"
That was it. No more pick up lines or chance encounters at bar close. But before I was off the market there was this one night. One night that I have been keeping to myself that I finally decided to reveal.

I was 19. Two years short of legal. I strolled into the bar just like every other underage student in the place. Not a flash of an ID, just a raise of the eyebrows to Chip, the owner. The bar was small. 6 stools, 5 tables, 4 booths and a dart board. That was all the floor space. I spotted a couple of my buddies in the back booth. They were with some girls I had never seen before. I assumed they were freshmen, easy targets. I pushed through to the bar and asked Mike for 6 bottles. Per usual I passed Mike a $20, he passed me 6 bottles and my change, $25. I left $10 on the bar, it was quicly moved into the tip jar. Poor Chip.

As I squeezed through the throngs of people I noticed that my friends had engaged the three nubiles in some card action. A little "asshole" to lubricate the evening. I sat on the shorthanded side of the table. Some how I was on the two girl one guy side.

It was about 11 at night. We had a good three hours worth of booze to consume. The cards kept flying. We drew high cards to see who would pound beers. We played 2 card poker, loser bought the next round. We continued to play "asshole". When bar close rolled around I noticed a few things. First, I hadn't bought a round since the first due to my mad card skills, second I was drunk and third the girl to my left had her hand on my thigh and was moving it ever closer to my package.

Now I might be shy, but I'm not dumb. Chip turned up the lights and I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. Shit. My dorm was a hike and a half. Luckily for me she suggested her place. Her roommate was out of town. Nice. A couple of blocks later and we were home.

We get to her room and she goes straight for the christmas lights that are strung around the room. She plugs them in and the whole place is aglow in a soft yellow light. Its just enough light to make my way through the room, but not enough to see the fine details.

By the time I moved across the room she already had her clothes off. Before I could grab hold of her she was on her knees working my belt and zipper. I was dazed and confused. A few things kept running through my head. First was JACKPOT. Second were a string of drunken thoughts. This was not a freshman dorm, I cannot remember this girls name, I don't think she ever told me her name, man that's a nice set of ...., WOW how'd she do that, believe it or not I think I can go again etc.

Remember, I was only 19 and until then the best I'd had was from fumbling around in the back of a car or in a basement with parents a mere staircase away. I had triumphed over a couple of drunken sorority chicks in the previous year, but they were really cold fish. This was truly a woman of the world.

After a couple of hours, the exertion and beer finally got the better of me. I passed out. I awoke well after noon. This sense of sober and awkwardness crept into my mind. I laid there still, faking sleep. The thoughts from the previous night re-emerged. JACKPOT ,this was not a freshman dorm, I cannot remember this girls name, I don't think she ever told me her name, wow I can't believe what she did to me last night, I can't believe I went that long. I cannot remember this girls name.


She started to stir and I was truly panicked. I peeked one eye open to find her up on her elbow staring and smiling at me.

"Wow, Chilly, you were fantastic last night."
"Thanks, you were pretty great yourself."

She rolled over on top of me, her body between my legs. I felt myself getting ready to go again. She felt the same.

"I'm going to do the same thing I did to you last night. Only this time I want you to scream my name the whole time."

Fuck. She is for sure not a freshman. I definitely don't know her name.

"Um,okay" I squeeze out meekly.

She starts to it. I am noticably silent. She notices.

"Come on, yell my name!" she pants.

"I... don'"

she pauses. I hope its just a pause.

"After all of this, you don't know MY NAME?"
"Uh, I don't think you told me."
"I shouldn't have to tell you, you should know who I am."

Wait a minute. I should know your name, I think. I am totally confused. I have never seen her before.

She thrusts her knee into my groin as hard as possible.

"My name," she pauses.
"Is Variance."

She dragged me to the door and threw me out, without my clothes, of course.